DefiantParrot's Top 12 Worst Games of 2018

I'm already angry

Well if you do one, you should do the other right? Plus being negative is much more fun in my opinion, so here we go!

Number Twelve: Dissidia Final Fantasy NT

Disappointment is the word here. I loved the PSP games and was hoping that we would get a console version, of this fun game. But this, oh you're kidding me right? Not many new playable characters, a shitty fucking story mode, I mean really? The game is not terrible which is why, it's so far up the list but the letdown I felt from this was really heart shattering. I will never again be excited for a new Dissidia game, and how dare you take that away from me.

Number Eleven: Shaq Fu: A Legend Reborn

This was backed on Kickstarter. To the people who backed this I must ask... Do you hate money? Like does the idea of having green paper infuriate you? Jesus Christ, this is Bubsy all over again, except people actually backed this, HOW!?!?! The game is better than the original but then again eating leftover beaver diarrhea is better than the original. But it's a by the numbers beat 'em up. The game tries to stand out by having it's idea of comedy in here. It really tries to go the South Park route but I'm not laughing. I'm not even offended, I'm bored and confused. Seriously guys why the hell does this exist? Shaq can get another fucking game, but I still can't get Jade Empire 2? Fuck, next game.

Number Ten: Jurassic World: Evolution

So this game functions and it's the best thing I can say about it. As a SimPark type of game, Jurassic World: Evolution functions. There's a varied amount of Dinosaurs to get five different identical locations, driving or flying around your park can indeed be fun for about five minutes and visually the game looks fine. But this game is soulless, yes it was nice hearing Dr. Ian Malcolm in this game but it doesn't change how boring it is. There's a select amount of things to do and build and getting new dinosaurs is a tiresome experience. Dinosaurs breaking out is only exciting once and noone in the park really reacts to seeing a Brachiosaurus or watching their mother getting eaten by a T-Rex. Also this game makes the list by not having that giant water Dinosaur that ate the Indominus. Fuck this game I want water-devil-Jesus-Saur!

Number Nine: The Inpatient

Holt Shit, I have never been this bored playing a VR game. The game looks great, you feel like you're in the world, the game succeeds there. Except when it comes to interacting with any-fucking-thing. The game won't even let me throw a sandwich! I don't care about what's happening, as a horror game it fails because you're never attacked by anything, nothing can kill you here, and as a supposed follow up to Until Dawn this game fails. Fuck this game Next!

Number Eight: Call of Duty: Black Ops IIII

The roman numeral for the number 4, is IV, Activision you fucking cockheads. Call of Duty is a serious I have a Hate-Hate-Really Hate-Hey that's cool-and then back to fucking hate, kind of relationship with. I think once upon a time the serious was worth a damn now, with it following trends instead of making them. The ridiculous Microtransactions and FUCKING LOOT BOXES, is flat out ridiculous. Microtransactions and Loot boxes have no place, NO FUCKING PLACE ABSOLUTELY ZERO PLACE in a full priced game, and cutting the single player this year did nothing to warm me up to this cold piss-filled balloon of a game.

Number 7: Agony

It certainly was. This is basically Desensitizing: The Video Game. The monster designs look like they were drawn by a disturbed Thirteen year old and while unsettling at first, loses all sense of creepiness when constantly surrounded by it. If I stumble into a room absolutely filled with severed human heads I'll be taken aback, unsettled and positively horrified. But by the ninth one I'll be diving into them like a red sticky ball pit. The hide and seek aspect of the game made me feel like I was playing Outlast II in messy red lipstick. I didn't have fun, I wasn't scared, the most terrifying thing here is that I wasted my time.

Number Six: Sea of Thieves

How did you fuck this up? I have been wanting a multiplayer pirate game since the cancellation of Pirates of the Caribbean: Armada of the Damned. So when this pirate game was announced, made by Rare of all things I was excited. Then I was bored, annoyed and hungry. Lackluster wouldn't be accurate enough to describe this piece of shit. A textbook example of a game that was shoved out the door with thoughts to patch and expand it later. Sea of Thieves was a frustrating disappointment. How is the game now? I don't know haven't touched it months. Here's hoping Ubisofts one is better... fucking christ.

Number Five: Past Cure

This game is incredible in how unremarkable it is. The main character is uninteresting. Story elements and mysteries come and go incredibly fast. The gameplay is all over the place with decent horror levels, but boring and irritating forced stealth missions. The sci-fi aspect here barely rears it's head. It's a game I can see so much potential squandered and that can frustrate me more than just a bad or broken game. I really wish this one was good, but it's really not.

Number Four: The Quiet Man

What the fuck, Square Enix made this game?! I almost wanted to give this game a pass from this list because I wanted this to work. I wanted this story about a deaf protagonist to work. But no, it sucks the combat is so simple that it's mind numbing. The story is, well I don't know because there's no sound here. None at all, I understand wanting to put us in the shoes of this young man. But in cutscenes he can read lips, so he knows what's going on, we, the audience cannot so HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT IS GOING ON!!!!!!!!! There aren't even any subtitles, a silent story about a silent hero could work, but this game is like watching a shitty movie with the sound off.

Number Three: Dynasty Warriors 9

Let's get something straight here. Dynasty Warriors 9 is not ambitious, it is a lazy piece of shit. It is not ambitious to jump on a bandwagon and making this game open-world doesn't automatically make it a good game. I genuinely enjoyed the Dynasty Warriors franchise, no I never went out of my way to buy them new or lost my mind at the announcement of a new installment. (I'll leave that to Jhadow) but they were fun, mindless, hack and slash games and whenever I did buy one I knew that there'd be fun waiting for me. As for Tecmo Koei on the other hand, they can suck my bird nuts until Zhang He's weapon flies out of them.

Number Two: Metal Gear Survive

#FucKonami. That alone could warrant the explanation here, but let's continue. This is not a Metal Gear game, this is a steaming piece of hot shit that was put into a box and sent out to be sold to fans. Hideo Kojima's series died with his departure from Konami this game is proof of that. The game alone is a boring, uninteresting survival game but then the asshole things, the things only a horrible company like Konami could come up with puts this game over the top. I'm talking of course of how Konami wishes to charge you real money to create a second character. Konami go fuck yourself with the nearest and sharpest object you have, you incompetent and greedy mother fuckers.

Number 1: Fallout 76

I really didn't want this to be number one, but this game was hands down the worst game I've experienced this year. At least with Metal Gear Survive I expected it to be shit, at least with Dynasty Warriors 9 the degradation of the series had prepared me for such a low point. But I never expected Bethesda to release a piece of shit like this. The problems with the game is apparent, you all know why this game is universally hated, but something was taken from me here. Something I fear I will never get back. As of this game, insulting all of us by existing in this world, and by Bethesda thinking this is okay. I. Am. No. Longer. Excited. For. Elder. Scrolls. VI.

Thanks. Bethesda