Lollipop Chainsaw Review
A Journalistic Review by DefiantParrot
*Warning: May Contain Spoilers*
Originally Written: 01/08/2020
Developer: Grasshopper Manufacture
Publisher: Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Platform: Xbox 360
Genre: Action Hack and Slash
Release: June 12, 2012
Well this one was certainly different.
Lollipop Chainsaw is brought to us by Grasshopper Manufacture and Suda51 a man named after a barcode and the mind behind games like No More Heroes and Killer7.
It was also apparently made in cooperation with James Gunn. Wait what?!
Year apparently Gunn had a hand in writing the story and characters here, so the man has written for Lollipop Chainsaw, Scooby-Doo and Guardians of the Galaxy. That's quite a robust portfolio you've got there Mr. Gunn.
This one has been sitting on my shelf for several years now and actually the only thing I remember about this game was seeing Angry Joe review it several years ago. Then I eventually saw it on sale for about 8 bucks and I figured it'd probably be worth that. Let's see if I was right.
Okay so the plot here is you play as Juliet Starling zombie killing cheerleader as she initially attempts to celebrate her 18th birthday before a horde of zombies attacks her school.
Alright so this game is fucking absurd. Let's just address the elephant in the room, it's likely attempting to emulate the feeling of god awful exploitive B-Movie (Maybe C-Movie) horror.
This game is sexualized as hell, pretty damn violent, crass, rude and so many other things that would force people to clutch their pearls.
That being said I'm not easily offended and nothing here really shocked me though much of it didn't make me laugh either.
I love bad taste or absolutely bonkers plots and characters and this game has that. Juliet voiced by the talented, but very squeaky Tara Strong is an airheaded moron, who talks about killing zombies and her "ginormous ass" while her boyfriend Nick who has had his head removed and hangs off her side, talks about how it sucks being just a head. And on one occasion asks Juliet to get his face out of her ass.
I'm sorry I don't know exactly what it is here that didn't work for me, but it just didn't. Not saying I didn't laugh at all but more than half the time everytime someone spoke I was rolling my eyes more than chuckling. Just came off as more juvenile than funny, like a twelve year old wrote this, and no disrespect to Mr. Gunn, I love you man but I call it as I see it.
The game does have a style all its own though, the graphics here aren't all that good. In fact I could probably just call them bad and move on but the grainy filter and almost cel shaded look kind of helps the game pull of its look of B-Grade horror.
But anyway what do you do here in Lollipop Chainsaw? Well the game is an action hack and slash and the levels consist mainly of using Juliets chainsaw to mow down the zombie hordes. There's unlockable combos you can purchase at vendors in the levels and you can also mix it up with Juliets pom pom attacks to stun zombies
I just wrote that fucking sentence....
Anyway the gameplay is fine, it's fine. It's serviceable and that's really all I can say. I don't mean to imply the gameplay isn't fun because it can be, cutting off a zombies legs and then impaling the undead fuckwit with a motherfucking chainsaw is at its core awesome, but it's not a very deep combat system.
Now I don't think it's meant to be, this game gave me a Streets of Rage feeling. Now I know Streets of Rage is a much better game, but this reminded of old school beat 'em ups more than a hack and slash like Dynasty Warriors.
My favorite attack in the game being the dropkick than can stun a zombie and send it flying into a wall, that never got old.
One thing that this game and others do that I cannot stand is when you get knocked down you have to mash the B button to get back up. I hate that, in fact there are even items you can purchase to make this faster. If you know it's annoying instead of putting in items to make it less annoying, just take that out entirely!
This game also has Insta-Death QTE's that pop up from time to time and I really shouldn't have to explain why these can eat a trough full of dicks right?
But as you continue Juliet will unlock other abilities such as a sort of chainsaw railgun which can be activated by the left trigger and aside from a janky as fuck lock on mechanic it works pretty well and can be fun to use.
There's also chainsaw dash where Juliet drives her chainsaw... Look I didn't make the fucking game just roll with me. Anyway you drive the chainsaw and have to pick up fuel for it to keep going and it's mainly used to make larger than normal jumps.
Theres segments where you put completey-headless-Nicks head on a random zombie body so he can clear a path for you. Even though we've seen Juliet get by several unblockable obstacles without the need for this QTE riddled mini-game.
Oh speaking of mini-games there are two here that I really remember people talking about. Zombie Basketball where you have a limited time and have to score enough goals by decapitating zombies.
And zombie baseball which from I remember hearing everyone fucking hated.
These aren't side activities mind you, they are required to progress and while I didn't really mind zombie basketball, zombie baseball is jank as fuck. You have to protect dumbass Nick as he runs around the plates and has to celebrate at every goddamn one like he won the fucking superbowl.
I did manage to complete zombie baseball on my first try but that was only because I was prepared for bullshit and bullshit there was folks! The lock on mechanic I mentioned like three paragraphs ago rears its ugly head here making it hard to hit the zombie you actually want to shoot.
I just kept firing like a madwoman while picking up ammo when it was safe. It worked but it certainly wasn't fun.
The game has a unique sondtrack I gotta say. It's nothing I really enjoy but you can purchase songs and make your own custom soundtrack including Five Finger Death Punch and others. When you go into the shop the song Lollipop plays because of course it does. And when you enter Sparkle Mode or whatever it's called (Juliets supermode) Mickey You're So Fine plays while you cut off zombie heads.
There's also a song that plays at one point when you're driving a combine and murdering zombies that...it's a song that has...haunted me for years....
Hmm? Oh wait what was I doing?
Along with the music and combos there are also different costumes you can purchase and I quickly switched Juliet to a costume that didn't have a skirt just to make me feel better about myself.
These can be purchased with zombie coins and you can earn them in combat or sometimes hidden in the levels that you can find if you can get this stupid camera to work for you.
Good goddamn luck because this thing is stiffer than me at a strip club. It refuses to move half the time and the other half it snaps right back in place after you've let go of the right analog stick.
Another annoying issue is with audio cues and repeated lines. Credit to the voice actors here none of them were bad or annoyed me really but whenever they start repeating lines in a fight that got old real quick. Especially in one fight where I swore Nick said the word Mecha-Chicken-Zilla like ten fucking times.
The framerate here can shit the bed at times especially if you have a bunch of enemies on screen and hit them all at once which is pretty easy to do. No crashes or anything but I could feel the game straining to not collapse onto the floor in convulsions.
The boss fights here are really good to be fair. These Dark Purveyors are pretty unique and my favorite was Punk Rock Zombie Zed whose words and insults become physical attacks. Like pissed off misogynistic Sesame Street and I gotta admit it's the first time I've ever been called a vanilla slut.
All of the bosses are cool and memorable in some way with the final boss being the worst in my opinion but then again what do you expect from a giant zombified Elvis thing that's been summoned by what looks like the lovechild of Tim Burton and the Other Mother from Coraline.
The game is short, like I beat it in under six hours short. It lends itself to being replayed with times to beat and rushing through it could probably get the speedrun blood a pumping.
My favorite level was the Fulci Fun Center one where you fight through an arcade and deal with some situations based off of other games and the boss fight is also really fun. Even if he does make me think of Zimos from Saints Row: The Third fucked The Shadow Man from Princess and the Frog.
Boy alot of weird comparisons today.
The game does have two endings which I guess could make you wanna replay levels to get the better one, it's down to if you save all the people you come across and as long as you save them all you're good.
All in all this game was... certainly unique and I was definitely never bored playing this game. There's a number of things here that work but many more that don't. Alot of talented people worked on this game though, I... man this is hard but I'm going to give Lollipop Chainsaw my...
Bronze Seal of Acceptance
There are many aspects of this game that are either tiring or bad. But the soundtrack, artwork, style, bossfights there are too many good things here for this game to be terrible. Although absolutely not for everybody Lollipop Chainsaw is an experience I will never forget. Although it is also one I never intend to revisit.
*Warning: May Contain Spoilers*
Originally Written: 01/08/2020
 |
| April Fools is here again it seems |
Publisher: Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Platform: Xbox 360
Genre: Action Hack and Slash
Release: June 12, 2012
Well this one was certainly different.
Lollipop Chainsaw is brought to us by Grasshopper Manufacture and Suda51 a man named after a barcode and the mind behind games like No More Heroes and Killer7.
It was also apparently made in cooperation with James Gunn. Wait what?!
Year apparently Gunn had a hand in writing the story and characters here, so the man has written for Lollipop Chainsaw, Scooby-Doo and Guardians of the Galaxy. That's quite a robust portfolio you've got there Mr. Gunn.
This one has been sitting on my shelf for several years now and actually the only thing I remember about this game was seeing Angry Joe review it several years ago. Then I eventually saw it on sale for about 8 bucks and I figured it'd probably be worth that. Let's see if I was right.
Okay so the plot here is you play as Juliet Starling zombie killing cheerleader as she initially attempts to celebrate her 18th birthday before a horde of zombies attacks her school.
Alright so this game is fucking absurd. Let's just address the elephant in the room, it's likely attempting to emulate the feeling of god awful exploitive B-Movie (Maybe C-Movie) horror.
 |
| I mean this says it all doesn't it? |
That being said I'm not easily offended and nothing here really shocked me though much of it didn't make me laugh either.
I love bad taste or absolutely bonkers plots and characters and this game has that. Juliet voiced by the talented, but very squeaky Tara Strong is an airheaded moron, who talks about killing zombies and her "ginormous ass" while her boyfriend Nick who has had his head removed and hangs off her side, talks about how it sucks being just a head. And on one occasion asks Juliet to get his face out of her ass.
I'm sorry I don't know exactly what it is here that didn't work for me, but it just didn't. Not saying I didn't laugh at all but more than half the time everytime someone spoke I was rolling my eyes more than chuckling. Just came off as more juvenile than funny, like a twelve year old wrote this, and no disrespect to Mr. Gunn, I love you man but I call it as I see it.
The game does have a style all its own though, the graphics here aren't all that good. In fact I could probably just call them bad and move on but the grainy filter and almost cel shaded look kind of helps the game pull of its look of B-Grade horror.
But anyway what do you do here in Lollipop Chainsaw? Well the game is an action hack and slash and the levels consist mainly of using Juliets chainsaw to mow down the zombie hordes. There's unlockable combos you can purchase at vendors in the levels and you can also mix it up with Juliets pom pom attacks to stun zombies
I just wrote that fucking sentence....
 |
| I mean it works but... *Sigh* |
Now I don't think it's meant to be, this game gave me a Streets of Rage feeling. Now I know Streets of Rage is a much better game, but this reminded of old school beat 'em ups more than a hack and slash like Dynasty Warriors.
 |
| Missile Dropkick!! |
My favorite attack in the game being the dropkick than can stun a zombie and send it flying into a wall, that never got old.
One thing that this game and others do that I cannot stand is when you get knocked down you have to mash the B button to get back up. I hate that, in fact there are even items you can purchase to make this faster. If you know it's annoying instead of putting in items to make it less annoying, just take that out entirely!
This game also has Insta-Death QTE's that pop up from time to time and I really shouldn't have to explain why these can eat a trough full of dicks right?
 |
| What the hell am I looking at?! |
There's also chainsaw dash where Juliet drives her chainsaw... Look I didn't make the fucking game just roll with me. Anyway you drive the chainsaw and have to pick up fuel for it to keep going and it's mainly used to make larger than normal jumps.
Theres segments where you put completey-headless-Nicks head on a random zombie body so he can clear a path for you. Even though we've seen Juliet get by several unblockable obstacles without the need for this QTE riddled mini-game.
Oh speaking of mini-games there are two here that I really remember people talking about. Zombie Basketball where you have a limited time and have to score enough goals by decapitating zombies.
And zombie baseball which from I remember hearing everyone fucking hated.
 |
| This is why I hate sports |
I did manage to complete zombie baseball on my first try but that was only because I was prepared for bullshit and bullshit there was folks! The lock on mechanic I mentioned like three paragraphs ago rears its ugly head here making it hard to hit the zombie you actually want to shoot.
I just kept firing like a madwoman while picking up ammo when it was safe. It worked but it certainly wasn't fun.
The game has a unique sondtrack I gotta say. It's nothing I really enjoy but you can purchase songs and make your own custom soundtrack including Five Finger Death Punch and others. When you go into the shop the song Lollipop plays because of course it does. And when you enter Sparkle Mode or whatever it's called (Juliets supermode) Mickey You're So Fine plays while you cut off zombie heads.
There's also a song that plays at one point when you're driving a combine and murdering zombies that...it's a song that has...haunted me for years....
Hmm? Oh wait what was I doing?
Along with the music and combos there are also different costumes you can purchase and I quickly switched Juliet to a costume that didn't have a skirt just to make me feel better about myself.
 |
| These are pretty cool admittedly |
Good goddamn luck because this thing is stiffer than me at a strip club. It refuses to move half the time and the other half it snaps right back in place after you've let go of the right analog stick.
Another annoying issue is with audio cues and repeated lines. Credit to the voice actors here none of them were bad or annoyed me really but whenever they start repeating lines in a fight that got old real quick. Especially in one fight where I swore Nick said the word Mecha-Chicken-Zilla like ten fucking times.
The framerate here can shit the bed at times especially if you have a bunch of enemies on screen and hit them all at once which is pretty easy to do. No crashes or anything but I could feel the game straining to not collapse onto the floor in convulsions.
 |
| KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!! |
All of the bosses are cool and memorable in some way with the final boss being the worst in my opinion but then again what do you expect from a giant zombified Elvis thing that's been summoned by what looks like the lovechild of Tim Burton and the Other Mother from Coraline.
The game is short, like I beat it in under six hours short. It lends itself to being replayed with times to beat and rushing through it could probably get the speedrun blood a pumping.
My favorite level was the Fulci Fun Center one where you fight through an arcade and deal with some situations based off of other games and the boss fight is also really fun. Even if he does make me think of Zimos from Saints Row: The Third fucked The Shadow Man from Princess and the Frog.
Boy alot of weird comparisons today.
The game does have two endings which I guess could make you wanna replay levels to get the better one, it's down to if you save all the people you come across and as long as you save them all you're good.
All in all this game was... certainly unique and I was definitely never bored playing this game. There's a number of things here that work but many more that don't. Alot of talented people worked on this game though, I... man this is hard but I'm going to give Lollipop Chainsaw my...
 |
| For when you have no class and a ginormous ass |
Bronze Seal of Acceptance
There are many aspects of this game that are either tiring or bad. But the soundtrack, artwork, style, bossfights there are too many good things here for this game to be terrible. Although absolutely not for everybody Lollipop Chainsaw is an experience I will never forget. Although it is also one I never intend to revisit.
Comments
Post a Comment